guns don't kill people, fear kills people

First let me explain my background with guns. I do not own nor have I ever owned a gun. I do not hunt nor do I have a desire to go to a shooting range. Firing a weapon that is designed to kill is just not something my brain has decided is necessary, especially since I have 2 young children. However, I do not condone anyone for owning a gun. I do think there are a few good reasons to own a gun....just do not count self defense, protection or "fear" amongst them.

We live in a country that is consumed by fear. Americans seem to be afraid of anyything they are told is a potential risk whether it's the fear of not having a gun, the fear of Y2K, or the fear of Universal Health Care. There is virtually no evidence to suggest that there could be a repeat of the attacks in Aurora, Colorado yet there was an increase of more than 40% in Colorado residents registering to purchase guns....all because of fear. Americans have good reasons to be afraid of everything, just watch the news. The news is mainly comprised of reasons not to go outside (murderers, rapists, bank robbers, etc..) with some weather (which is usually another reason not to leave the house) and some sports sprinkled in at the end.

It is unfortunate that the only time guns get any attention is when one of these crazy mass murder situations occurs. Then we get to hear a thousand people explain why we need more gun control and 1000 people defending the right to bear arms.....only the end result is we always do nothing. I'm not going to try and argue one side or another but what I will say is that it is ridiculous that a person is able to purchase 6,000 rounds of ammunition and semi-automatic weapons as easily as the Aurora killer did. People on both sides of the gun debate should agree with that. There will always be access to weapons for those who are hell bent on killing others, but I have a hard time believing that regulating the types of weapons, amount of weapons, and amount of ammunition one can purchase along with stricter penalties for violators of gun laws wouldn't have some kind of effect on the roughly 30,000 Americans that die each year from guns. To do nothing about it is to be acceptant of every gun related injury/death in America. Furthermore it is a slap in the face of every victim of Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora and every other unnecessary gun related incident.

If the sad tragedy in Aurora has one upside (if you want to call it that) it's that people are at least talking about the gun problems in America. I'd like to see more regulations but more importantly I'd like to see the government/independent studies/college students/anyone take a look at why Americans live in fear and how we can reduce it. Michael Moore is kind of a weirdo, but read his article on the gun debate. He makes a lot of good points, and also addresses the fear factor that people have today. People are always going to kill others but it's the fear that is created when one person kills another, the feeling of "what if this were me" which continues to prevent us from doing anything about it.

I'm not sure what the answer is but at some point we are going to have to figure it out.

offensive comedy

Recently comedian Daniel Tosh was criticized for "crossing the line" when he singled out an audience member while making a joke about rape. Daniel Tosh is a comedian, like many others, whose fame came as a direct result of his crude style of humor. Honestly, what was this lady expecting when she went to the show in the first place? She undoubtedly already knew who Daniel Tosh was prior to going to the show; therefore, she should have known what kind of humor to expect from him. My guess is that she went to the show expecting to laugh at offensive jokes.....as long as they were about other people.

The ability to offend all people equally is what has enabled people like Daniel Tosh, Dave Chappelle, the creators of South Park, and many others to become famous. Obviously rape is not a funny topic in conversation. Neither are wars, but we joke about them. Neither is child molestation, but we joke about it. Neither is starvation, AIDS, retardation, sexuality, or skin color, yet we joke about all of those. Why? Because jokes are not conversations and do not show a persons true feelings or opinions. Jokes are not meant to offend people, they are meant to make people laugh.

Not everyone finds the same things amusing, which is both obvious and understandable. But to laugh when the joke is aimed at others, and then complain when it is directed at you is ridiculous. It's also ridiculous to claim that certain topics should be off limits to comedians. Here is an idea for people that don't like certain types of jokes......find something else to do! In honor of the stupid lady that paid money to see a certain type of comedy, yet was shocked when she got it, here are some offensive jokes that maybe shouldn't be funny but make me laugh.

Q: How does every black joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down. The teacher says, 'Save the children!' The lawyer yells, 'SCREW THE CHILDREN!!' The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, 'Is there time?'

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: What is Helen Keller’s favorite color?
A: Velcro.

Q: Whats a Jew's worst dilemma?
A: Free Ham.

Q: Whats the hardest part about rollerblading?
A: Telling your dad you're gay.

I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everyone who can run, jump and swim is already in the U.S.

Rape is no laughing matter....unless you're raping a clown.

Q: What do you call a black guy flying an airplane?
A: The pilot, you racist bastard.

Q: What do Japanese men do when they have an erection?
A: Vote

(Notice the lack of white jokes? Me too....turns out there aren't many. But I did find a website called White Guy Jokes dedicated to them. No individual joke is funny on it's own but together they are pretty funny.....even if they are basically making fun of everyone except for white people.)

ten things i think i think

1. I think this Grantland article is good reading for any bored sports fan. It's basically a rambling conversation with several different important sports topics but the cool part is that I basically agree with everything that is said. From comparing Tiger & LeBron to Britney Spears & Lindsey Lohan to wondering how Jordan would handle the social media attention of sports figures today or predicting the effects of the Concussion Era of the NFL, this story is interesting....at least to me.

2. I think I can't remember where I found this (see below)...but it sounds about right.

"Here's my entirely charming analysis of the whole Democrat vs. Republican debate: Imagine if you will a clogged toilet. The person that clogged it walks out of the bathroom embarrassedly and leaves. The Democrat and Republican both have to defecate and see the clogged toilet. The Democrat's solution is to buy a new clog-proof toilet and hire a plumber from across the country to put it in. Sure it'll cost a lot but we'll get a new toilet that won't clog and that plumber and the toilet manufacturers get paid. The Republican's solution is to simply continue using the toilet until it's too full to sit on, because at that point he'll just use someone else's toilet, probably China's, and let someone else deal with the mess. What we need is for someone to go in there and snake the drain, but nobody's willing to get their hands dirty."

3. I think Giving Keys would make nice gifts for Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa (do you get gifts for Kwanzaa?). It seems like a cool concept....another one of those "Pay It Forward" type of things that seem to be popping up everywhere.

4. I think this is probably the first time you have ever seen Super Moonwalking!!! This should replace all of the stupid equestrian events at the Summer Olympics. I mean the horse is the freaking athlete and what does it get? No medal, no Wheaties box, no fame....only alfalfa....or whatever it is that horses eat. Even the alfalfa is dependent on not breaking a leg on a hurdle and being euthanized. But anyways, Super Moonwalking!! I can't wait until I see someone doing this in Seattle.



5. I think this is an interesting quote: “If my step-dad didn’t treat me like his son, I wouldn't have had any father at all.”

Some guy said this at work the other day and I guess I just never really thought about it before. He was talking about how single people in their 30's are always looking for a relationship with someone who doesn't already have kids and why he thinks it is stupid. What I think he was getting at is that there are tons of deadbeat dads out there, leaving tons of kids without father figures in their lives. If the mothers of those children are having a hard time with relationships because they have children, it is those children that suffer the most.

6. I think this is my new favorite music video. This video has it all; bikinis, super soakers, booty rockin everywhere....and the hottest pool party since Jagged Edge asked Where The Party At?. I'm pretty sure this kid is the son of Reggie from The Nutty Professor (see hair at 1:17 mark). Joking aside, I feel bad for the future of this poor kid.



7. I. Think. It. Is. Funny. How. Stupid. Things. Become. Trendy. For. No. Apparent. Reason. At. All.

8. I think this is the most embarrassing/sad/pathetic baseball quotes ever but is a great example of why I am a Red Sox fan. The quote was following a Mariner's 13 inning loss to the A's in which Felix Hernandez got yet another no decision after only allowing one first inning run over 7+ innings. It's also a good example of why celebrating the amount of wins a player has, in any sport, is dumb. It's completely out of an individuals control in a team game, regardless of talent.

"I knew once they scored a run I couldn't give up another one or I might lose the game in the first inning." - Felix Hernandez

9. I think I wrote a bunch of crap about this TED Talk yesterday but apparently forgot to save it. I also think I'm too lazy to explain/re-remember what I wrote before so I'm not going to. But here's the video.



10. I think trying to learn Spanish is confusing. It would be a lot easier to have someone fluent in Spanish be able to explain certain rules to me so I'm not trying to memorize so much but overall it is going pretty good. It's funny that my son is able to tell me specific words or correct my bad conjugations or incorrect pluralizations. Anyone wanting to learn a language FREE, here is another Duolingo shoutout. I only go on there for maybe an hour a week but I am already learning a lot....seems like a pretty good program.

yesterdayeth

I arose to warm cloudless skies at the usual 5:45 and prepared myself for the many tasks of the day. A hot shower, brushing of teeth, and donning of the days garments commenced. This was followed by an early departure from the warm comfort of my castle. See, neither my breakfast nor my middays meal were prepared prior to departure, so a stop at the local Safeway was in order. A bran muffin and cobb salad were purchased and I was on my way to work.

I arrived at my place of employment to a half empty lot, no doubt due to abundant leave use caused by the midweek festivities. Work consisted of a fairly pleasant 8 hour day, the only coil being informed that my presence was required for 24 hours more during the weekend. After work I returned to my castle and informed my mistress of the change in my weekend plans. My information was met with unexpected ire.

Sandra: "We had plans for morrow. You were supposed to take the kids to Cody's birthday breakfast in the morning and we have the Sounders game at 8."

Me: "This is true your most gracious majesty, but just last weekend thou spoke of me volunteering to work weekends, even if it conflicted with any conquests we may have had planned."

Sandra: "Aye, but we have tickets already for the game."

Me: "The game is at 8 and I will be off work by 6, no later. I checked the boat schedule and a 6:45 vessel is available which would allow me to make it to Seattle prior to commencement of the game. Plus I figured we could use the money earned this weekend to strengthen the walls that bound our land."

Sandra: "We can build a fence later my King. But whatever, let's go enjoy the Summer's air before the day is done."

With that we were off to the Field of Lions in East Bremcester. The bikes of our children were loaded in my coach, as the children and rode in the Queen's coach. We were greeted at the Field of Lions by the Maples clan. A few hours of soccer, bike riding, and feasting were followed by a planned trip to watch the Kitsap Pumas soccer game. The only problem was that I had not been gifted this knowledge. We packed up our belongings and left in our seperate coaches.

Shortly after my arrival back at my castle I was greeted by the remainder of my family. The smiling young faces of my children were a stark contrast to the rage that filled the face of my Queen.

Sandra: "Why did thou leavest the park so swiftly? We were trying to attract thine attention to make sure thou was headed to Bremcester Memorial Stadium for the Pumas game."

Me : "Expedience doth not depict my exit. I took two trips of stuff to thine coach, then walked over to my coach and put the bikes in the back before leaving. Besides, I thought we weren't going to the game."

Sandra: "No, thou ruttish fly-bitten knave, we agreed that we were to attend the game."

Me: "Your lips grow foul my sweetness. If the plan was agreed upon prior then wherefore the need for attracting my attention? Would I not have already been headed to Bremcester Stadium? Anyways, better three hours too late than a minute too soon."

Sandra: "Whatever, we can't going now. I'm going to taketh a bath."

Me: "All apologies my dearest Sandra, but men are men; the best sometimes forget. I shall instead go to the store and fetch food for our children's fish......and get some other crap. Fare thee well."

And so I traveled back to the withering lands of East Bremcester with 3 locations on my agenda, first being the pet store for more fish food. Upon locating the fish food I was met with more options than reasonably should be expected when buying betta food. As I reached for the first bottle a ghost appeared (there's always a bloody ghost) and said the following:

"Be careful of the food you choose,
or two more fish are yours to lose.
The future of your fish is bleak,
Lest worms of blood are what you seek."

So I grabbed some regular food and some blood worms, bought them, and then headed to Lowe's.

At Lowe's my trip consisted solely of scoping out new stairs to reach my castle's tower (attic ladders). After a quick examination I left Lowe's and headed for the most heinous, attrocious of all places, Wal-Mart. As usual, I was greeted with the expected wayward smile and squeaky cart for my goods. I gathered my required items in a timely manner in effort to reduce time spent in this bastard of a store. It was then that I was poisoned by an anger unmatched, born from totteringly long checkout lines.

Me: "Pray pardon me thou mountain of mad flesh, I demand these lines speed up at once."

Cashier: "Halt your tongue thou villainous whey-face and wait your turn".

Me: "You are a woman, and yet your beard forbids me to interpret that you are so. Nonetheless woman, I shall patiently grant your request."

And so after what seemed a fortnight I finally was able to complete my purchase and returned home to my family, already in their beds. I fed the fish and put away the goods I had bought. I then retired to my bedroom where my Queen was still lying awake.

Me: "Thou art my muse, inspiration for mine every breath and bringer of laughter and song unto mine heart, an angel fair gracing me with the divine light of the heavens. All days are nights to see till I see thee, and nights bright days when dreams do show thee me."

Sandra: "Shutup and go to sleep."

This was inspired by a book I recently finished titled Fool by Christopher Moore. It is basically a comedic twist on Shakespeare's King Lear, only from the perspective of the King's jester, Pocket (the Fool).

Just to make sure nobody ends up yelling at me for recommending this book, here is the author's description of it: "This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank. If that sort of thing bothers you, then gentle reader pass by, for we endeavor only to entertain, not to offend. That said, if that’s the sort of thing you think you might enjoy, then you have happened upon the perfect story!”

Consider thee duly warned.

30 before 30 - July update

1. Write A Letter To The Editor

2. Learn Spanish
I finally started using Duolingo and have already learned a lot. It's a FREE language learning program for anyone interested.

3. Donate Blood

4. Weigh Under 200

5. Go White Water Rafting

6. Go To A Hockey Game

7. Visit Portland

8. Run A 1/2 Marathon

9. Learn The Thriller Dance

10. Take A Dance Class With Sandra

11. Start A Fire

12. Go To The Top Of The Space Needle

13. Go To A Comedy Show
I bought tickets to Louis C.K. but it's not until December.

14. Go Backpack Camping

15. Walk Across The Tacoma Narrows Bridge
Had this one planned but it rained to I backed out. Should be going within the next few weeks though.

16. Ask 10 People Their Favorite Book And Read Them
I posted a question on FB awhile ago asking for book suggestions. I'm going to finish a few more of those and then get started on these 10.

17. Paint A Picture
I watched a spray paint artist named Joseph Francis (The Art Surgeon) in Seattle and I think that's the kind of painting I want to try out....not sure when though, but I like it because it's different. 18. Attend A Midnight Premiere Of A Movie
I'm thinking about checking out The Dark Knight Rises when it opens.

19. Read 10 Books To My Kids
The Hobbit (Still not done yet...ugh)
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Harriet the Spy
Charlie and the Clocolate Factory
The Phantom Tollbooth
Holes
The Invention of Hugo Cabret
The Watsons Go to Birmingham
Number the Stars
The Golden Compass

20. Go To A Seahawks Training Camp Practice

21. Eat At A Top Rated Restaurant

22. Watch The Top 50 Movies on IMDB
I have watched the first 6 so far: Vertigo, M, The Shining, Taxi Driver, American Beauty, and Toy Story 3. I hadn't seen any of those before which makes sense since 4 were made before I was born. It's funny to see how movies have changes since then.

23. Go On A 5 Day Fast

24. Make Something With Homegrown Food

25. Go To Canada

26. Finish My Unfinished Tasks At Home

27. Read The Bible

28. Volunteer At A Homeless Shelter

29. Complete A Mud Run

30. Bet On The Superbowl Winner Before The Season Starts
I found a website Sportsbook.com that I can bet on the winner.