why i hate the mariners

The Golden State Warriors had a recent home game in which they honored one of their greatest players, Chris Mullin, and retired his jersey at halftime. The ceremony was disrupted by a loud chorus of boos which is one of the funniest and most awkward things I have seen in sports. They are not booing Chris Mullin, but rather their voicing their pent up displeasure over terrible decisions made by their team, peaking with the trade of their best player, Monte Ellis.

I read a pretty brutal article by Bill Simmons that basically outlines the 60 steps that happened over the last 35 or so years which caused this event to happen. While watching it I couldn't help but be reminded of why I hate the Mariners, so I decided to make a list of my own. I couldn't quite get to the 60 steps outlined by Simmons, but I managed to get to 34. I probably could have had more, but I left out most things that happened before I started watching the M's in the early 90's.

Anyway, enjoy.

1. It all starts on April 6, 1977. It was the first game in Mariners history played to a sold out home crowd of 52,762. They started off their their season with the first of many losses (98) with a 7-0 loss to the Angels. Sadly they were shutout the next day also, causing their fans to wait 3 games just to see a run scored.

2. In 1978 the Mariners lost 104 games, which amazingly still stands as a club record.

3. It took the M’s 15 years to finally win more games than they lost in a season. 1990 was their first season with a winning record but they still managed to miss the playoffs that year.

4. 1990 was also the year that the worst mascot in all of professional sports made its debut, the Mariner Moose. I hate the Mariner Moose. It’s hard enough to get the rest of the country to take west coast sports teams seriously, but then they choose a mascot that should instead be cheerleading for a hockey team. Worst of all he is in a city where moose (is that plural?) don’t even live. The most exciting thing this Moose has ever done was try to run over a Red Sox player while driving around in an ATV. This happened only a few years after he broke his own ankle crashing into the outfield wall on rollerblades. Since the Sonics are gone, maybe they can just replace him with Squatch.

5. 1993 was the last year the Mariners were in a 7 team division. The best they ever finished in that division was 4th place.

6. At the end of the 1993 seadon, the M’s traded Omar Vizquel to Cleveland for some guys I don’t remember. You know the worst part of this trade, not the fact that Vizquel went on to be one of the best defensive shortstops ever, not his 3 All-Star appearances or 11 Gold Gloves, the worst part of this trade is that he was given away in 1993 for nothing and is still playing today. He will be playing in his 24th season this year.

7. The 1995 draft produced some pretty good players, expecially in the top part of the draft. Six of the top 13 draft picks went on to be All Stars at some point in their careers from this draft. One who didn’t? Jose Cruz Jr. who, was picked by the Mariners with overall pick #3.

8. The Mariners followed up their first ever playoff appearance in ’95 by doing their best to ruin the team that got them there. They traded 2 key pieces of their ’95 playoff team (Tino Martinez and Jeff Nelson…they even threw in another player, Jim Mecir) to the team they memorably beat in the playoffs that year (the Yankees), for pitcher Sterling Hitchcock and one of their worst 3rd baseman ever, Russ Davis. The Yankees rubbed it in by using Martinez and Nelson to help them win 4 of the next 5 World Series.

9. In 1996 the Mariners traded David Ortiz (then known as David Arias) to the Minnesota Twins. This was well before he made a name for himself but still, it’s David Ortiz!

10. On July 31, 1997 one of the worst trades by any team in baseball history was made when the Mariners traded Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek to Boston for Heathcliff Friggen Slocumb. Derek Lowes accomplishments: 2 time all star, AL saves leader in 2000, threw a no-hitter in 2002, world series champion in 2004 where he won the final game of all 3 playoff series. Variteks accomplishments: silver slugger winner, gold glove, caught 4 no hitters (including the one by Lowe), 3 time allstar, 2 time world series, hell he even won the little league world series. Slocumb’s achievements: 1 all star appearance, winner of worst acquisition by trade in Mariners history. He was out of baseball by 2000.

11. Who could forget Bobby Ayala? I think he is the first pitcher besides John Rocker that I have seen get booed coming into the game and it happened every time he came in. He was a blown save waiting to happen. Deadspin put him as #63 on a list of the 100 worst baseball players of all time. Not surprising, there were several Mariners on this list, including #1.

12. Thanks largely to the success on the ’95 season, the Mariners were able to convince tax payers to fund a new stadium, and in 1999 they finally moved into Safeco Field. At the time this field was commonly referred to as The House that Griffey Built. With one of the best left-handed power hitters of all time playing for them, one would think the M’s would put in a short right field wall. Unfortunately they instead decided to make it a pitchers park that is nearly impossible to his home runs in. People say pitching and defense wins championships, which may be true, but offense sells tickets and keeps fans awake during games. Building this field was kind of the start to the Mariners historically pathetic offense. They started losing power hitters every year beginning this year and Griffey only played half a season in the house he built when….

13. On February 12, 2000 the M’s traded Ken Griffey Jr prior to the Reds for Mike Cameron and 3 ham sandwiches. Those sandwiches were actually players but they were all terrible and if they could do it again I bet the M’s would take the food instead. I know they had to trade him before the end of the season because he was not going to resign with Seattle, but still…..he was the best player they ever had, one of the best baseball had ever seen, and all they got for him was Mike Cameron?

14. They made the playoffs for the third time in 2000 which sounds nice but backfired terribly. I’ll get to that in a second. After the season ended they were unable to resign A-Rod who went to the Rangers. What did the Mariners get in return? Oh yeah, that’s right nothing. A-Rod refused to sign an extension so he could seek free agency, which later gave him the highest contract ever…but still…nothing in return? If the Mariners had a bad team in 2000 it would have been a no-brainer to trade him and get something in return. Instead they made the playoffs for only the third time, were forced to keep him for the playoff run that the Yankees later ruined, and got nothing in return. For those keeping score, Griffey + A-Rod = Mike Cameron + lunch.

15. In 2001, the Mariners would go on to win 116 games in 2001 but most Mariner fans should remember the 117th victory that they should have had. The day was August 5, 2001. The Mariners opened up a 14-2 lead in the fifth inning and maintained it until the 7th. They were so far ahead that both teams rested many of their good players including John Olerud, Ichiro, Edgar Martinez, Juan Gonzalez and Roberto Alomar. Then the M’s managed to give up 3 runs in the 7th, and 4 more in the 8th. They were still up 14-9 with 2 outs in the ninth inning when they somehow gave up 5 more runs. They wound up losing in the 11th inning. Only the Mariners are capable of something like this.

16. 2001 was the last time they made the playoffs and 1 of only 4 times they have done such in 35 seasons. This season was memorable for the 116 wins that tied the all time record set by the Cubs. But I would rather have 85 wins and a World Series than 116 wins, barely escaping the first round of the playoffs, and then taking a beating by the Yankees in the ALCS (which all happened that year) any day.

17. After the 2002 season, upper management proved to be so inept that Lou Piniella, one of the great managers in baseball history, decided he would rather coach Tampa Bay (they used to be crappy) than stay in Seattle. He was supposedly angry over managements reluctance to acquire the missing pieces for championship runs…..you know, those deals you make when your team is actually good, not when you are just praying for a shot at the playoffs and toss away your future in hopes those prayers come true (See Heathcliff Slocumb, Eduardo Perez, Yorvit Torrealba, Ben Broussard). Piniella’s tirades alone would be worth the price of admission, and with as bad as this team has been the past decade there would have been plenty.

18. In 2004 the M’s hired Bill Bavasi, one of the worst GMs baseball has ever seen. In his 4 years as GM, the Mariners averaged 87.5 losses per season. He is probably the biggest reason the Mariners suck right now as you will see in some of the genius decisions that were made from this time until 2008 when he was finally fired.

19. One of Bavasi’s first brilliant moves was trading Carlos Guillen to the Tigers for Ramon Santiago and Juan Gonzalez (not the power hitting Texas Ranger one). Guillen responded by having a career year and going to his first of 3 all star appearances in a shortstop packed American League. As has become tradition in Seattle, they resigned him a few months ago just in time for him to prove he has nothing left and retire from baseball.

20. The 2005 draft was one of the best 1st rounds in MLB history. Six of the top 7 players drafted have made All-Star appearances, including Justin Upton, Ryan Braun, and Troy Tulowitzki …the exception of course was the guy the Mariners took, Jeff Clement drafted third overall. Other players drafted in the first round include Jacoby Ellsbury, Andrew McCutcheon and Jay Bruce. Seriously, how do you screw up worse than that? They somehow found a way the next year.

21. 2005 was also when they signed the infamous Richie Sexson for 4 years and 50 million. He was probably the biggest free agent disappointment they have ever had due to the amount of money he was given, the fact that he never lived up to it, and how it affected the ability to sign other players in the coming years.

22. The 2006 draft will haunt M’s fans forever. Every fan around was sure the Mariners were going to take Tim Lincecum. Let’s see….he grew up in Washington, went to high school at Liberty High in Renton, went to UW (10 fricken minutes away from Safeco), and became the best player in UW baseball history while winning the 2006 Golden Spikes Award (best amateur baseball player). Yeah, let’s pass on him and take Brandon Morrow. Lincecum’s professional achievements: 4 time all-star, World Series Champion, led the league in strikeouts 3 straight years, and won the Cy Young twice. Brandon Morrow: career record 29-30, hated by all Mariner fans, was somehow able to be traded to Toronto for a guy that can pitch a little bit, Brandon League.

23. A couple other smart moves were made by Bavasi in 2006. He traded Asdrubal Cabrera to Cleveland for aging player Eduardo Perez. In less than a year Perez was working for ESPN, not the Mariners. Cabrera however is now a rising star and was an all star last year. He also traded Rafael Soriano to Atlanta for Horacio Ramirez….I’m not sure what Ramirez is doing these days, but the Yankees just gave Soriano a 35 million dollar deal last year, and he might be the heir apparent to the best closer to ever play baseball. Mariano Rivera.

24. 7/23/2006 This is only going in here because it is just another reason I hate the Mariners. It is also one of the many reasons I hate Richie Sexson. So those who know me know that I am a Red Sox fan. Almost every year I go to at least one game when the Mariners and Red Sox play. However, I have never seen the Red Sox win a game. Every year I go, the Mariners, no matter how pathetic they are, find a way to beat Boston. This day just happened to be the worst of them, even though it was one of the best games I’ve ever seen. Basically it was a back and forth game with the Mariners leading in the 9th thanks to an Adrian Beltre inside-the-park homerun. There were 2 outs in the top of the ninth with Jason Varitek at the plate. I figured the game was over until Tek blasted a ball into the stands to tie the game. Then the first batter in the bottom of the inning, Richie Sexson, Mr. I’ll swing as hard as I can 3 times and hope for the best, absolutely crushes a pitch and ends the game with a home run. This was one of maybe 3 times he was worth any of the money given to him.

25. 2008 was the pinnacle of failure for Mr. Bavasi. He traded Adam Jones, George Sherrill, Chris Tillman, Kam Mickolio, and Tony Butler to Baltimore for Erik I-Have-A-Hangnail-And-Can’t-Pitch Bedard. Bedard pitched a little, got hurt, pitched a little more, missed the 2010 season, came back for a little bit, and then was traded to Boston in 2011. Meanwhile Jones has become one of the bright young stars in baseball while earning a gold glove and all star appearance in 2009. Sherrill went to the all star game in 2008 but has since struggled and is now of course back with the Mariners.

26. The worst free agent signing of the Bavasi Era was when he signed Carlos Silva to a 4 year 48 million dollar deal. He was absolutely horrible. So horrible in fact that he was traded only 2 years into his huge contract for another disappointing player with a huge contract, Milton Bradley. The trade was essentially a draw. Both players were equally as bad before and after the trade.

27. In 2008 the Mariners infamously became the first team to lose 100 games (101 in fact) with a 100 million dollar payroll. If they only would have lost 102…..

28. In 2009 they drafted Dustin Ackley with the 2nd pick of the draft this year. The problem? It should have been the number one pick, Stephen Strasburg. The Mariners were 2 games worse than the Nationals going into each team’s final 3 game series. The Mariners, a 101 loss team, managed to sweep the A’s out of the blue while the Nationals were swept by Philadelphia, thus giving the Nationals the 1st pick in the draft. Strasburg has since had to have Tommy John surgery, but I think I would still rather have him post surgery than Ackley. It seems like even when the Mariners win it goes against them.

29. I’m not sure where to put Raul Ibanez but I feel he needs inclusion. He was fairly successful with the M’s but is one example of the plague that seems to surround the M’s. Player’s seem to do better everywhere but Seattle…unless you are an opposing player. Raul was with the M’s from 1996 to 2000 before going to the Royals and seeing his average jump 50 points. It stayed that way his 3 years in KC and in 2004 he came back to the M’s, only with a price tag of 4-5 million per year as opposed to the bargain of 275,000 he was making before he left. After leaving the Mariners the second time he made the all star team with Philadelphia in 2009.

30. 2010 in my opinion was the biggest disappointment in the team’s history. They were by far the worst offense in baseball and wound up being compared to some of the worst offenses of all-time. They led the league in fewest hits, doubles, triples, homeruns, and batting average. The reason I think this was so disappointing is that they had one of best pitching staffs in all of baseball, including Cy Young award winner Felix Hernandez. Hernandez was hands down the best pitcher that year but people debated voting for him because his wins were so low. His record was 13-12. If he had the offense of the Yankees, Red Sox, or even most college teams he might have won 30 games that year, that’s how bad this offense was.

31. One of the biggest reasons for the Mariners pathetic offense was good old Chone Figgins. He was signed to a 4 year 36 million dollar contract in 2010 year and responded by having the worst year of his professional career which including a batting average of .259 (His average was around .300 the previous 6 years). Don’t worry though; he bounced back the next year by batting only .188 and getting benched for a majority of the season. And now he is batting leadoff…..ugh.

32. The 2011 Mariners were an example of finding ways to get fans excited and then stomping on their hopes. I didn’t watch many games last year but a few things stuck out from that season. They managed to almost get to the all-star break still battling for first place in the division. That was before they decided to lose a club record 17 games in a row and supplant themselves at the bottom of the division. As the streak was approaching history (A 23 game losing streak by Philadelphia in 1961) they started showing Mariner highlights on ESPN every night, just so the rest of the country could laugh at them too. At one point during the season they went 30 straight innings without scoring a run. 30 innings…..that is more than 3 straight games…no runs…NONE!

33. People may remember Michael Morse. He was a player traded to the Nationals for Ryan Langerhans in 2009. Morse is on the rise as a starting 1st baseman for the Nationals and finished the 2011 season with a .303 average, 31 home runs, and 95 RBI. Justin Smoak’s stats at 1B that year .234 average, 15 HR, and 55 RBI. Langerhans? .173, 3 HR and 6 RBI while bouncing back and forth from AAA before being traded to Arizona where he did not make an appearance. I wouldn't be surprised if Morse makes a few all star appearances before he is done.

34. And finally last week a letter was revealed that was sent from the Seattle Mariners to Seattle Mayor McGinn and others urging them not to build an NBA/NHL arena near Safeco Field because “It would bring scheduling, traffic and parking challenges that would likely require hundreds of millions of dollars to mitigate.” The thing I think is funny is that the roughly 18,000 (max) fans that would pack a filled NBA/NHL arena are pretty close to the number of fans that Mariners have lost the past few years. Safeco Field seats roughly 47,000 but the average attendance has dropped almost every year the past decade and was only 23,411 last year (the lowest since 1995 in the Kingdome). I could see potential scheduling conflicts but the ability to see a baseball day game followed by an NBA/NHL night game would be pretty cool. Also the NBA/NHL seasons overlap MLB by less than a month unless the NBA/NHL team goes to the playoffs. If a team is in the playoffs, I don’t think the fans care about parking problems or schedule conflicts, they just want to see their team. Safeco Field was built largely on taxpayer money; an NBA/NHL arena would be almost exclusively privately funded. Who are the Mariners to say who should and shouldn’t build stadiums and where. I guess it's easier to complain about teams coming in and making you more insignificant than trying to actually solve Seattle's transportation problems.


Seattle fans seem to be more content with mediocrity than most cities, but I really hope something like the Warriors situation happens to the M’s. If nothing else, it would show the Mariners ownership that people are sick of being below average. The huge support for the Sounders, the Seahawks and the potential return of the NBA shows Seattle is a city that does care about sports and cares about winning.

As much as the Mariners frustrate me, I still consider myself a fan (as long as they aren’t playing Boston). The unfortunate thing is that it has been ten years since the Mariners have even been worth watching. They have been so bad, one could argue the most entertaining part of the Mariners this past decade has been their commercials. Having said that, I do think they are headed in the right direction. They seem to have the right GM and manager in place, as well as a ton of young talent. Hopefully they are able to translate that talent into more wins before they completely lose their fan base. If not, they better not schedule Howard Lincoln and Chuck Armstrong for any jersey retirement ceremonies this year.

If I've left anything out, feel free to add any of your favorite Mariner mistakes.